The Waiting Game

Sooo, in 8 minutes it will officially be my due date, and this baby is still so far from being born :( I had a doctor appointment today, and it SUCKED. First of all last week, my doc was on vacation so I saw some midwife that works in the same hospital. She checked me, and said I was a fingertip dilated (about 1 centimeter) and 90% effaced. Not the best news, but at least it was some progress. Well today, when my real doctor checked me (which I had to ask him to do - strange), he said that I am still only at 1 centimeter, but that the midwife was wrong and I'm not at 90% effaced! Argh! We're going in the wrong direction here! The tiny glimmer of hope I had that someday this science experiment in my body might actually end was crushed. And then, to kick me when I was already down, I had to schedule a 41 week appointment. That's just mean... Oh, and he won't even talk about inducing me until after that appointment. UGH. I've wanted this and have been waiting for it for so long. Is it too much to ask that I finally get it? Not to mention the fact that being this pregnant is completely miserable, and it would be wonderful to not be suffering anymore.

Also, people need to stop telling me to enjoy this while it lasts. YOU may think that life ends when you have kids, but I do not. I am very much looking forward to this. Just because your life sucks and your kids made you miserable does NOT mean that mine will be the same. So do me a favor, and just keep your opinions to yourself.

Well, that was scary.

So about 2 hours ago I had this intense pain in my lower abdomen. It was kind of like a cramp, but really intense. It dropped me to my knees instantly. It lasted a few minutes, and then went away. Of course I did what any home-alone pregnant woman would do - panicked. I think it was a Braxton Hicks contraction, but I'm not sure because everything I've read said that they should only cause "discomfort" and not actual pain. Well let me tell you, that hurt. A lot. So I wrote down the time and if it happens again...well, I don't know. I'd like to be able to call somewhere and ask if I should be worried, but the only places open are emergency rooms. Of course it had to happen on a Friday :/ And I meant to call the insurance people today and see of that was approved yet, and I forgot to. So now I'm screwed until Monday. All I know is that they better get this shit figured out soon because I need to go to the damn doctor. I haven't had any real pain since earlier, just the normal achiness. I guess for now we'll just wait and see if anything happens. I don't think it will, but who knows. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't just stay home tomorrow instead of going out of town. But Mom won't be around anyway, so maybe it's just as well that I'm with Andy...Ugh, I don't know.

Frosting

*Title has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about. I just happen to be eating strawberry frosting out of the can*

It seems kind of lame to be starting a new post just seconds after I published the first one, but like I said, it's 2 a.m. and I can't sleep.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the passage of time. It amazes me that the same span of time can seem to hugely different depending on the circumstances. For example, a month ago I became a civilian after spending a little over 3 years in the Army. These last 30 days have gone by insanely fast. I can honestly say that they went by faster than ANY month of time while I was still in. It just seems so strange. The last year has gone by fast though. In less than a month Andy and I will have been married for a year already. In that year we have moved twice, changed vehicles, gone through Hell and back with the Army, found out and dealt with the many, many changes because of me being pregnant. And now we're settling into a new home and preparing to bring home a baby in 6 weeks or so. Crazy.

Wow. Until I saw it typed in front of me I didn't really realize that there are only 6 weeks left before my due date. And I don't think he's going to wait that long to make his grand entrance. I feel like I have so much to do before he gets here, and yet it seems like I can't really do anything until other things happen first. Does that make sense? I know it will all work itself out, but it's really enough to drive a person nuts.

Speaking of Mr. A.J., he's really been beating me up lately. He seems to think that Momma's bed time is his Party Time. Don't get me wrong, I love feeling him wiggle and roll and kick, because it let's me know he's healthy and doing good in there. But I really wish he would let me sleep a little now, because lord knows I won't be sleeping much later. I can't wait though. I'm beyond excited to meet this little guy and bring him up. I'm also completely terrified, considering I have no idea how to raise children, and have next to no experience with infants. But, if cave women and crack whores can manage to get their babies to adulthood, I'm sure I can too. And I have my wonderful mother right here to help. It'll be a long, hard road, but it's one that I'm looking forward to going down. I've wanted this for a long time, and I'm so happy that it's finally happening. I complain a lot (because let's face it...being pregnant is not the most fun thing in the world), but I truly am overjoyed. Really, I'm getting everything I wanted. I'm married to my best friend, I have the opportunity to be a Mommy and I'm living back home where I belong. I may be huge, hot, uncomfortable, worried about money and other things, but when it comes right down to it and the things that are truly important, life is good.

I suppose I should put the frosting away and try to sleep again. Goodnight, world.