As good as I felt like I was doing yeterday, is how bad I felt today. I was sad as soon as I woke up. I went and got the mail, and had 2 things that made me cry. The first was a packet from my doctor's office that I was supposed to fill out before my first OB appointment....an appointment I won't be going to. :( I also got a sympathy card from my mother in law, and that made me cry too. Knowing that this has hurt people I care about cuts me just as deep as my own pain does. This is why I didn't want to tell people for a while.
On a positive note, I got a call back from the insurance lady, and they will be covering my office visit and the ultrasound from last week. This is big because I don't technically have insurance at the moment. It would have started as soon as I sent them "proof of pregnancy" after my first doctor appointment. So, because they didn't get their proof, I didn't know if they would pay for it or not. Thankfully, they are, and I have one less thing to worry about.
I'm still not smoking. Today I went and got some nicotine lozenges to help with the cravings. I could feel my resolve crumbling, and I knew I had to do something or I would cave. Keeping busy just isn't cutting it.
AJ and I walked 4 miles this evening. I enjoyed walking before, but now it feels like my only way of finding peace. I don't know what I'm going to do once winter comes.
No comments:
Post a Comment